And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
All I want is dick and wine.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
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