she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
