She is in my trunk
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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