I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
