were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
