Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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