So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
i used baking grease as lip gloss
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Randomize
