I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
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Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
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Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
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