I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
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