this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
