wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
he had hair everywhere except his balls
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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