first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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