I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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