he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
