he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
