I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
