Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
