is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
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