Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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