i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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