still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Randomize
