Im at strip club and am horny
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Randomize
