she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I need to align my fucking chakras
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