Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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