So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
