Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
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