Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
