Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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