Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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