I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
So squirting runs in the family.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
