k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
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