They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Woke up backwards on a recliner
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
