I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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