All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
