Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
