She said her name was "party"
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
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