I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
