my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
