I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
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