I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
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Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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