He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I'm sobbing to NWA
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
