dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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