Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Randomize
