Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
The power of my boobs compel you
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
