you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
