If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
