GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
ugly people sure do ruin things
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
