Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
