the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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