Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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