some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Randomize
