I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
This is my gift to your gina
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
