Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
found the other keg... it's in the tree
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
