My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
What a dumb baby whore.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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