I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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