I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Randomize