the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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