I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
