So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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