"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
