i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
