They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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