I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Me. At least after what I've been through.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
